I’m going to paint a picture of an animal, and I want you to just imagine it. I know, using your brain wasn’t something you expected to do when you clicked on a Leeks article, but I’m afraid you’re going to have to.
Let’s start off with the size. The biggest of this creature can reach up to 2.8 meters, and the smallest of this creature can be as tiny as 0.055 meters. “I’m sorry what?” is what you should be asking yourself. From a mere 1.6 grams, this creature can also weigh over 156,000 grams. That is 97,500 times larger. ????????
It’s composed of a large amount of feathers, a light but strong skeleton, beaks, and a four-chambered heart, but the most important feature is that it can fly with it’s two little wings. Except, some of these bastards can’t fly. Why do some of these rats not have their most important feature???????????????
Also these midgets have an interesting family tree. They evolved from dinosaurs, but more specifically from theropods. That’s a group of meat-eating dinosaurs that includes the big man himself, the T-Rex. I’m sorry but why does a tiny little flying vertebrate that weighs 1.6 grams evolve from the chad T-Rex that weighs up to 8,000,000 grams. Also their closest relatives are the crocodiles. You know, the lil snappy things with a bite force of 3,700 psi. ????????????????????????
Now who could fit these strange characteristics? Having a massive range of size, strange features, and relating to the big boys of the animal kingdom, we introduce to you:
this guy. Look at him. Look at him. Look at him. I’m sorry but does this guy look like they came from dinosaurs? Do they look like they sit at the big table with their homies the big bad crocodiles? Do they look like their closest relative is a 1,000 kilogram heavyweight with a bite force of 3,100 psi?
No they don’t. You’ve all been lied to. That thing is not real.
Birds. Aren’t. Real.
Ok calm down. Take a deep breath. I just revealed something to you that might be shocking. You may not entirely believe me right now, and that’s understandable. You’ve been taught your entire life by the government that birds are real, conditioned from birth to believe these were real by Big Education. You’ve never had a chance to question these things, and when you did you were hushed.
Now that I’ve brought up the proposition that birds aren’t real, don’t you think that it’s a little strange that these exist? A tiny little reptile that flies? Also it eats worms for breakfast and makes little nests out of tiny wood for their children? Come on you gotta admit something's off.
“ok but like what are birds then”
I’m glad you asked you little goblin. If the “birds'' aren't real, then what are they? Simple, government drones.
Tiny, little government drones.
“oh piss off”
Now hold on, don't be so dismissive. Let me present my case.
Evidence #1: They are spying on us
Find a bird outside. What is it doing? That’s right it’s either perched on top of something or flying around. In both scenarios, they have an easy way to spy on you. Anytime they are somehow above you, which is always, they are surveilling you, watching your every move. Don’t think so? Explain this then:
That's right. This is a photo of a very real bird with a very clearly real camera attached to it. You can’t deny it now. The government is spying on us through birds.
Evidence #2:
….ok I don’t have that much evidence shut up ok you goblin im trying my best here i swear.
I think what I’ve provided is plenty. I’ve explained to you why it’s strange they exist, and the fact that they are constantly surveying you from up above.
I understand you might not be able to comprehend these facts. It’s ok, my reality was shattered too when I first heard this. It took me decades to fully accept it. It’s just the way they taught us when we were growing up.
But now, the truth is clear. The government is clearly deploying drones as birds to watch our every step.
So next time you see a bird, tell the government to piss off.
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