umbrellas.

Have you ever thought about how useless umbrellas are? You would believe that three hundred thousand years of human evolution would create solutions for issues we face every day. However, the human brain decided that umbrellas are an adequate solution for rain. With our advancements in technology and our educated scientists, a simple gadget would bring happiness to the lives of millions. But I guess the world isn’t ready for that, we are simply a society that could not accept individual well-being.

I could write a whole letter of complaint to Obama if I wanted to create real change. But I think that it wouldn’t get attention, especially because of the much bigger scientific problems currently. So, as a journalist for a satirical newspaper, I will do what I do best. Ranting.

Let's start off with the design of the umbrella. The simple idea of an umbrella is based on the fact that water flows down. This is a good design. But it is too small. When you have a backpack, it is certainly going to get wet. The size of the umbrella really matters; I mean, it always matters. Anyways the problem is, bigger umbrellas are more annoying to hold. Using a big umbrella for a few minutes in the morning means you would have to carry that umbrella for the entire day.

This is why portable umbrellas, the ones that could slide, are more popular. But that would mean your backpack would get wet! This is what I like to call ‘The Umbrella Dilemma’.

Another problem I have with the umbrella is that there is nothing to stop your socks from getting wet. People might not agree with me, but wet socks are the worst feeling in the world. The moisture hanging around my feet feels so irritating and so uncomfortable. It can even cause an athlete's foot! (according to my grandma).

You could say… Just wear rain boots, it's not that hard. But I say, who the hell wants to wear rain boots to school? Who the hell wants to wear rain boots in general? Have you seen any rain boots in the past three years?

Do you think a giant rubber boot covering your feet will make you happy? No. Nothing about rain boots makes anyone happy. I would rather get wet socks at this point.

Umbrellas are useful… To an extent. But I think that we should have a bigger, better solution by now. I’m sick of getting wet, everyone’s sick of getting wet. I guess it's just first world problems.

also, i want to show you guys the Impossible umbrella.