Studies from as early as the 1950’s have shown that the Earth is really, really hot and that it’s only going to get hotter from here. However, said studies have also been repeatedly oppressed by authorities that do not want people to know that the Earth is aggressively hot because humankind is but made of men and men have a very bad track record of controlling themselves.
Curiously, this seems to have had the opposite effect — men are worse at controlling themselves against the defenceless Earth than ever, and hide behind flimsy excuses like “It can’t say no!” and “It didn’t complain, so it must like it.”
It seems that they are, at the very least, partially aware that Earth is technically an inanimate object and cannot physically say no to anything we do to it. Whether this matters to them or not is another matter, but as of now their statements do stand ‘correct’.
Maybe this is how someone ended up marrying a hologram.
Nevertheless, the Earth (and it's filthy inhabitants) must push on and continue to thrive in the increasingly hostile environment.
Whether said hostile environment is a product of our own creation is a very contentious topic amongst men. Some even say that even if it was, the benefits people could reap from the f*ckening over of Earth outweigh the negative effects. Russia, for example, has a “controlled climate change” plan that they are attempting to execute. They believe that while the rising sea levels are definitely upsetting for coastal cities, considering that Moscow and St. Petersburg are a ways away from any sort of shore, and that the Arctic passageways made available via climate change are the most efficient trade routes (bar the Crimean ports), it’s alright to sacrifice them in exchange for faster trade.
Since the Cold War definitely didn’t produce any viable results, it could only be assumed that the submersion of New York and Los Angeles was part of Russia’s long term anti-capitalism plan, ignoring the fact that socialism was a only a core part of the Soviet Union and not the current Russian Federation.
Luckily for the polar bears, environmental groups such as Greenpeace have linked their hands together to launch a new campaign aiming to stop the attack on Earth: “Leaf her alone!!!”
A truly commendable and effective action that will surely prevent further pillaging of the Earth. Thank you, Greenpeace, for your contributions towards making sure Earth doesn’t get destroyed due to dubiously green hydropower stations and increasingly expensive coal mines.
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