The COVID-19 pandemic has taken the world by storm . With a huge influx of information streaming from local media outlets daily, it is no surprise that the masses are afraid and confused. As reflected in our motto, RCHK LEEKS aims to provide the most accurate, realest, news we can possibly supply.
In order to uphold this bold statement, we have decided to break our silence. To divulge the information hidden from the masses. To provide sensationalist news you will not find anywhere else.
News that is Beyond The Truth.
It is a little known fact that aside from coughing, fevers, and diarrhea, there is an even deadlier symptom caused by the coronavirus– one that has taken the lives of many adolescents. With literacy and graduation rates on an exponential decline, parents are fearing for the prosperity of their future as children begin to “destabilise”.
Unfortunately, these were the only clues RCHK LEEKS managed to scavenge in the dumpster fire named “Yahoo Questions”. In a quest to further expand our realm of knowledge, the RCHK LEEKS intrepid reports dived deep into the depths of the internet to salvage a record left by an unnamed high ranking government official..
Emotion is defined as a complex reaction pattern, involving experiential, behavioral and physiological elements, whereas elevation refers to the exponential or abnormal increase by a said degree or amount.
Primarily affecting teenagers, this new symptom of COVID-19 causes the previously enraged hormones to spiral further out of control, potentially leading to various unsanitary and immoral behaviours. Not only are adolescents who suffer said symptoms more prone to an overwhelming need for intimacy, but as time progresses, they will also become increasingly vulnerable to manipulation, hallucinations, and addiction. This has a sad knock-on effect on their DP grades.
Our experts identified that once “Emotional Elevation” has been aroused, patients will have approximately 15 hours before their previous intelligent, disciplined backbone melts into a puddle of kittens due to the sudden influx in testosterone and estrogen. Victims will eventually bleed out on the ground while writhing in pain, living their final hours scrunched up on the floor, listening to Ed Sheeran.
Whilst we strive to provide the most accurate and scientifically evidenced news possible, our recently hired medical experts are reluctant to supply us with more information or specific case studies, stating that it is “out of bounds” and “a breach of privacy”.
Dear readers, we expect you to stay safe during these turbulent times after reading our insightful and educational news report on the danger COVID-19 poses to our society. Thank you.
Note: Despite the satirical perspective on news in this article, it is important to note that individuals should carry out the correct social distancing and safety measures set by the government in order to maintain peace and cultivate prosperity in Hong Kong.
wow this was very informative! thank you theo!