RCHK Leeks' College Fun Day stall was highly successful. Hundreds of you have bought merchandise hand-crafted by our minions. We put our blood, sweat and tears into our products (so you better watch out if we infect you with diseases). But now you are probably wondering: what do I do with my RCHK Leeks™ merch? Well, worry no more, because here are ten things you can do with our unique products.
1. Complain
You spent five dollars on a Leeks Supreme sticker. You could have bought ⅓ of a drink from the Health Addiction vending machine. Think about it? You wasted your money on items that wouldn't benefit you shortly. A drink could hydrate you — keeping you alive — but instead, you have chosen to waste it.
Don't worry, though! You might have regretted your purchase, but we have a 2-day return policy! And if you forget to return, then yeah, just complain to your friends or something. Remember, we won't do anything about it (all the money goes to a good cause!)
2. Smack your friends and family
We here at Leeks do not promote violence. However, the RCHK Leek plushie makes it, so smacking is allowed! The plushie is designed to be smacked. It creates a loud sound -- loud enough to be heard from the other side of the room. But it doesn't hurt at all! We even product tested this with our own minions. Through trial and error, we have maximised the efficiency of our plushie so that it doesn't make the victim cry.
3. Realise it was a scam
We did not scam you. Even if the keychains are just a piece of paper and two pieces of plastic. It's not a scam. You viewed the products before you bought them!
4. (not) Smell
Our products do not smell good. Trust me, I have tried.
5. Give a plushie to your drama teacher because they did not come to your stall like they said they would
6. To said person: fix your plushie.
You have the last one, so it's a little broken. Oh well.
7. I am running out of ideas, and I have no time to finish this article.
Please help me. I am a starving journalist working paycheck to paycheck, and the higher-ups aren't doing anything about it. Our CEO is Barack Obama Care himself, and human-rights abuses still happen here.
8. Show off
We made Tubbo and Ranboo stickers. If you bought one, show them off on Twitter or something. It's going to get retweets! You can even lie and say you made it yourself.
9. Eat
Do not eat the Leek. I have also tried. It did not taste good (and I even became the phantom pooper). However, we gifted and sold butter cookies. If you still did not eat them, you better do. They become really soft and break down quickly after a while. The cookies are hand-baked, though! Leeks know quality.
10. Be proud
Be proud that you have supported the best newspaper in RCHK. We will continue to make good articles that are not rushed at all.
Thank you. 感謝你。
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