The Disappointing Level Of English In RCHK: How The School Has Failed Its Students... And How It’s Going To Solve This Issue
Despite priding itself as an ESF international school, the level of English found in Renaissance College is shockingly disappointing. From students failing to spell even the most basic words to the unnecessary additions of Oxford commas everywhere, the English department has decided that it has had enough. After the Grammar Police filed a complaint with Dr. Brown, the English Department has received permission to resolve this issue through whatever means neccessesessscary to uphold the school’s remaining dignity and help students achieve sucksess!
After all, we can’t have students spelling things like unnecesary wrong. That would be embarassing!
Following some careful deliberation, the student council and the English department have decided that the best course of action would be to introduce compulsory after school classes, alongside basic grammar and vocabulary lessons to students who do not meet the current standards, which currently accounts for 99% of the student population.
What Do The Lessons Involve?
Grammar Worksheets
Handwriting Practice
Dictations involving kindergarten-level words (eg. carrot, ice, diaryhea)
Basic conversations involving yes and no questions, and open-ended questions
Speech Therapy
Comprehension: Speech + Reading
Sample worksheet paper
These classes, fueled by the tears of English teachers such as Mr Jones, and Ms Scully whose eyes burn with an intense pension, and extreme disapointment, and frustation from the terrible spelling found in two hour English analyses reponses, will take place on the 6th floor, in room S208.
According to Mr Jones, the head organiser of the classes, people who need to head outside to cry will be provided one ply tissues of the highest available quality. However, becasue supplies are limited, students will be required to outrace the teachers on duty to get to them first.
How Do I Know If I Need To Attend The Compulsory Classes?
RCHK Leeks, in conjugation with the English Department, has devised a sample checklist for people who fear they may not meet the requirements to avoid the classes. Can you spell:
neccessary
mispell
acceptible
propoganda
absense
Tell the difference between:
Compliment and complement
Stationary and stationery
Elicit and illicit
Its and it's
Principal and principle
Than and then
Ascent and assent
Do you think that:
This is a sentence, that, because of the fact that it is technically properly punctuated, does not count as a run on sentence even though it spans several lines in length and is made of several ideas that do not completely match each other or complement each other in a way that makes a sentence a sentence because while sentences can contain multiple ideas when separated with a semi-colon, the fact that this sentence lacks one should automatically mean that it is a run on sentence considering its current length however this is still technically one idea which is the fact that this sentence is a sentence about a sentence being a run on sentence.
Alot is a word
'Mine's is' is a grammatically correct term
Who Will Be The Teacher?
Whomever can cope for the lesson on the day.
What Happens If I Skip?
Can your grades afford to...?
Ms Lodders will chase you to the ends of the Earth and even down to the pits of hell, to stop you from using those damn oxford commas in the wrong places.
Sample exerpts various English teachers have teared up at:
