Description:
Noods come in all different shapes and sizes, and whether you like them thick or thin, they are all deserving of love <3
Noods (short for noodles) have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. My grandma worked as a waitress in a famous noodle shop back in Shanghai when she was a wee lass. It was the 1920s, a long long time before World War II and the Cultural Revolution. It was always packed to the brim from day till night. Their specialty, she said, were spring onion noodles. Spring onion infused oil along with freshly made noodles. Those were the days, she reminisced. However, as World War II came along, grandma had to run away and so she settled for the British colony of Hong Kong. There, she met my grandfather. He was a noodle cart owner.
He was the big boss of the noodle industry back in its heydays. His stall was located in Wan Chai, the business district of Hong Kong. Grandpa always said that grandma was a bit difficult to chase after, but with his bowl of noodles, this one specifically beef brisket noodles with radish, it was difficult for her to turn him down.
As a result of my father’s noodle upbringing, he became part of a secret insider group of noodle experts and founded the company N00DlE. From then on, he took over grandfather’s noodle cart stall and monopolised the noodle market in Hong Kong. Flat rice noodles? Thick noodles? Thin noodles? All types of rice noodles? The really stretchy noodles? You best bet that it's sourced from him.
Utilizing an impressive array of techniques and secret traditional recipes, my father became too powerful for his own good and his immense success led to his downfall. My mother, disgusted by his obsession with noodles leading to his neglect towards his family, left him. He had thought of nothing but noodles. All the nights my mother went to bed, the other side would be empty. And for the few occasions he was back home, my father would be sleep talking about the perfect amount of time different noodles needed to be boiled. I, as a result of this lack of paternal fatherhood, grew up strong and rebelled against my noodle heritage as an act of defiance towards my father. In the end, I ended up learning how to embrace my heritage and use noodles to connect with my fellow ancestors. And to this day, I do maintain the belief that I can cleanse this family line. The first step, of course, is to come clean and wash away the family sins. And to do that, I will be releasing the family’s secret recipe. Noods.
There are many ways that noodles can be prepared. With soup. Fried. Dried. Steamed. Washed. It’s truly a versatile dish that lives up to and even exceeds all expectations. My personal favourite is the beef brisket noodle. But today we’re going to be learning about a noodle dish that is so amazing, it can be all of your wildest dreams all at once. If you don’t know what type of noodle dish you want, this can be your go-to dish. Noods.
Ingredients:
Sugar
Spice
Everything Rice
Apparatus:
One clumsy boi
Steps:
Take all your ingredients.
Dump them into a bowl.
Use your clumsy boi to mix them all together. Make sure to keep mixing until all of the ingredients are fully incorporated.
Shape the mixture into thin flat noodles.
Put the noodles into boiling water for 10 minutes.
Strain the noodles.
Dump them into the trash.
Go outside and buy a bowl of noodles.
Savour it. Taste it. Enjoy it!