Every assignment, students hear the same advice. “Right guys! Don’t leave it to the last minute! If you start your work now, you won’t need to stress about it later!” In that upbeat, cheery voice that comes this close to annoying — or not, if you have the likes of Mr. [redacted] — some students are far too happy to admit that these suggestions go in one ear and straight out the other.
“I mean, it’s the IB. It’s not really that hard to write a bunch of bull the lunch before something’s due, hand it in and still get a seven, you know?” says our anonymous source. “Honestly I’m surprised that anyone even bothers writing a proper essay at this point. Why research when you can base your entire argument on a single YouTube video you watched three years ago?” When we asked for clarification, the student just laughed and coughed out something that we couldn’t quite catch, but sounded oddly similar to “I&S”.
These sentiments are common amongst the student base. Most of us understand that when 20% of the effort gets you 80% of the grade, people will naturally gravitate towards only using 40% of their effort to get 100% of the grade because no one understands how maths works and that this would be a exponential relationship and not a linear one, you imbecile.
That’s why it’s always a shock when students realize teachers are shocked that no one actually cares about finishing their work a week early, or Ms. Sanker forbid, the day it was assigned.
“Due today, do today" is one of the most popular catchphrases amongst the student body, and for a good reason. Students will be hard-pressed to recall even a single assignment they haven’t considered leaving to the last minute — it’ll probably be easier for the average person to remember when they’ve accidentally missed one because “they were sick that night and didn’t manage to finish off the last paragraph”.
How did this information manage to not get leaked to the teachers, then, when it’s so commonly known? Simple.
Confirmation bias!
You see, people like to believe what they want to believe. When presented with information that may go against their worldview, most people are likely to look at these pieces of information, think about them for the solid half-second their brain would allow, and then immediately stop thinking because it’s very difficult for most people to keep it up for extended periods of time, like anything more than three seconds.
Therefore, when teachers see students handing in their work on time, they think: “Oh! What a good student! They’re trying so hard to finish their coursework and manage their time wisely to develop a good habit of finishing things early. What a great teacher I am, managing to instill these values in the youth of today’s society!” But when the opposite happens, they simply look at the student in disappointment and then immediately backtrack any negative thoughts they’ve ever had because the student looked like they were on the verge of a mental breakdown and was mumbling something about how upset their parents would be if you were the one who told them their child wasn’t being a responsible, upstanding citizen.
But Shallot! You say. Doesn’t that mean the teachers acknowledge the fact that students don’t actually do their work on time thus invalidating your entire argument?
No, you smartass, because if you actually paid attention you’ll realize the main point of this article isn’t to say teachers don’t notice anything wrong with the students, it’s that they deliberately choose to ignore it because egos are very fragile things and knowing students actively avoid listening to very useful advice because of pure laziness is incredibly disheartening.
In conclusion, when in doubt, just lie, and the people you’re lying to will be so sad about it they’ll pretend you’re not lying to make themselves feel better.
i once turned in work 35 seconds before it was due
The mathematical explanation broke me. I need to take time away from the classroom.