by: @tsutsu_cat (instagram), your friendly back alley tech support guy
With online school stressing out our laptops, those of us who sadly are not able to have some sort of gaming PC likely know the pain you have to go through when Zooming on the school MacBooks. However, with just a screwdriver, some pliers, some parts, a hammer, and a lot of patience, you can upgrade your MacBook to the perfect zoom machine!
Parts you’ll need:
Screwdriver (Size doesn’t matter, you’ll round off the screws anyways)
Pliers (to attempt to unscrew the stripped screws)
Parts (You can either get these from a trusted seller or a strange back alley shop)
A hammer (You’ll need it!)
Alright, so let’s begin: With all Macbooks, there are a set of screws on the bottom of the machine. Using your screwdriver, round off these screws, panic, and rip off the back with some pliers. Your laptop should now look something like this:
Yes, that’s a Samsung part in an Apple machine. Please don’t come after me.
Now, the main issue with Zoom is that it often takes up a lot of CPU and RAM, hindering our procrastination abilities (Minecraft with Zoom running the background can barely hit 20 fps!). Luckily, one of these components is very simple to upgrade.
Upgrading the RAM. This is the inferior method which involves unclipping the RAM clips.
Replace the RAM by either unclipping the clips and removing the RAM, or removing the battery (it’s heavy anyways and I don’t know what it does) and pulling the ram out of the socket as hard as you can. If you do remove the battery, keep it so that after the repair you are able to use it as an improvised explosive device. Now that your RAM has been replaced, it’s time to remove the CPU.
This is the easier part of the repair. To remove the CPU, unscrew the screws holding in the logic board. Once the board is out, remove the piece of metal tubing on top of the board by unscrewing its screws. This is the heat pipe, which takes heat away from the processors. However, for Zoom and gaming purposes, it is not needed. Next, use a cotton bud and alcohol to remove the thermal paste.
The heat sink and the disgusting thermal paste, which conducts the heat away from the CPU. Be sure to remove it!
Now you have access to the bare CPU die. To remove the CPU, you can use either the pliers or the hammer. For the pliers, grab 2 opposing sides of the CPU, and pull up. For the hammer, hit the CPU as hard as you can, which will then break off (hopefully). While you’re at it, stab the speaker with your screwdriver if you want an excuse as to why you don’t answer the teacher’s questions on Zoom. Sorry, can’t hear you. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
What the area where the CPU used to be should look like. If you’re scared, you should be.
Then, what you should do is attempt to replace the CPU with a new, almost certainly incompatible component. At this point, your anger should be steadily rising as you realise your laptop is almost certainly broken. To let out this anger, use the hammer to attack the remainder of the computer, breaking it into multiple parts. Then, if you live on a multiple-storey building, throw the remains off the roof onto an unsuspecting stranger. You can then tell your parents about the issue, and after being mad at you for around 2 months, they should get you a new MacBook which will likely be much faster than your old one.
A new laptop! This should run games (and Zoom in the background) just fine!
Now, your laptop is in shipshape for having both Zoom and other programs running at the same time! This upgrade should really help your computer’s performance as the new computer will almost certainly be much faster than the old one. Stay tuned for my next tutorial on how to upgrade your iMac!