DP students worldwide are rejoicing as the IBO HQ in Geneva announced yesterday that all IB examinations will be replaced with a 10 kilometer as-seen-on-TV Wipeout obstacle course.
IB candidates will have to face physical and mental challenges as they face the slippery hurdles and the risk of falling into the moat below. A few, but not all, of the fun obstacles include slides, trampolines, trebuchets, flamethrowers, oversized fans with highly sharpened blades, guerrilla warfare, a floor littered with used syringes, the responsibilities of being a teenage parent, rope swings and broken glass.
At the very end of the course, a diploma certificate and a large rock will be shot at the candidate at 500 miles per hour through a cannon. Students are recommended to bring a Kevlar vest with them to the course beforehand.
Responses from the RC student body have been mixed. Some students have met the news with enthusiasm, such as Year 13 student Madeleine Summers.
“I’m really happy about this change. I’ve been preparing to be on a Wipeout course since I was 8. I grew up drinking chlorine with my breakfast. Before dinner, my parents would throw cream pies and foam blocks at me before I could have my food. My mother actually gave birth to me in the actual Wipeout moat, but it wasn’t televised because it was really gross.”
Another Year 13 student, Rachel Heung, complained about the shortcomings of the written exam format.
“Well, it’s just a big waste of paper. I mean, how many IB students are there worldwide? 120,000,000? 20 papers per student? That’s a lot of dead trees. Squirrels and birds and other woodland creatures could have lived in those trees. And the amount of pen you go through! It’s shameful, really. I’m surprised they haven’t made the switch to obstacle courses sooner.”
However, other students have been hesitant about participating in the obstacle course. An anonymous Year 12 sent an inquiry to the IBO, only to receive a puzzling response.
“I sent an email asking what happens if you can’t swim, or if you’re not physically capable of completing an obstacle course. They sent me a 12-foot scroll in the mail that said “Get over it, LOL” in really big calligraphy letters. I guess you can’t argue with that.”
In order to help better prepare students for the new exam format, the College Leadership Team has decided to flood the secondary block with 8 feet of water and lock the entire secondary student body inside. Lifejackets and food will be provided, but only if necessary
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