*This is a work of satire. All criticism of the curriculum is for comedy purposes. (believe us.)
Guns, explosions and Ninja’s profanity all evoke traumatic memories of Epic Games’ viral gaming sensation Fortnite, yet RCHK continues to be ignorant to the potential careers that could be created by transforming today’s aspiring gaming noobs into world-renowned, rich professional “Fortniters.”
We all know and love Fortnite, whose 2017 debut swept the island by storm. The game that unleashed a torrential monsoon of dancing kids and occupied cafeteria tables, forever scarring the landscape of campus.
But the truth is, within the chaotic depths of Fortnite lies a lucrative opportunity to get rich quick, and I don’t mean in V-bucks.
Take the world famous professional “Fortniter” Bugha, who shocked the world with his debut “dub” in the 2019 Fortnite World Cup, where he “Cranked 90’s” and “one-pumped” his way to a whopping three million U.S. dollars.
Or Tyler “Ninja” Blevins, the master Fortniter who was stream-sniped to stardom and a $25 million dollar net worth, eventually gaining the opportunity to perform the “Floss” in New York’s signature Times Square.
Fortnite’s ability to “rake in the dough” cannot be overstated, its immaculate gameplay an opportunity for all contemporary “sweats” to become the next Bill Gates.
With such potential for affluence, it is an enigma why RCHK has not allocated greater resources for developing the Fortnite skills of this generation. Where are the “90’s” and “Build Battles” every prestigious campus has? Disgustingly, not a single period has been allocated to Fortnite tutoring, and if this shall continue, the lucrative discipline “Fortnite” will be disappointingly “downed” in the academic Battle Royale.
How are our youth, our future, supposed to get rich off high-stakes annual Esports tournaments when they are not taught even the most fundamental “one pumping” skills? How will our descendants remember the likes of the legendary Ali-A and FaZe Rug, when Fortnite history is but a joke? Do we want our beloved, pioneering Fortnite legends to fade into obscurity? Do we truly wish to revere Dream whilst abandoning Morgz to the sands of time?
It is a travesty that a prestigious IVY League school would neglect to teach the most fundamental life skills, whilst idiotically burning tens of millions of dollars into useless subjects; “science”, “math” and “literature;” all daft subjects which do not in the slightest prepare people for the lucrative art of getting obscene quantities of money fast.
Such hypocrisy is exacerbated by the clear suppression of student voices. Fortnite has garnered the overwhelming support of the student body; millions of RCHK students have unrelentingly campaigned for Fortnite lessons centuries on end, yet these demands continue to fall on deaf ears. In a horrific display of dictatorial might, not a droplet of Fortnite education has made it onto the tongues of dying, gaming deficit teenagers.
Does authoritarianism not undermine RCHK’s core value of democracy?
To make matters worse, the truth of Fortnite has become entangled within a web of nonsensical excuses. Naysayers across the board insistently argue it would be “preposterous to attempt to cram Fortnite into an already overflowing timetable.”
This “argument” is nothing but an excuse; the student body has already offered a myriad of solutions, replacing an existing class unanimously agreed to be viable.
“Music should be replaced. It provides no value to the human brian and is useless.” signed deaf Y11 student Afton Greer.
“I think REAL class needs to be replaced since it has no purpose and all the kids just play Minecraft, a trash game. They should play Fortnite instead,” argues newfound Fortnite fanatic Elton Li, who believes REAL’s relaxed and ungraded nature is providing an opportunity for Year 7s to secretly play Minecraft, thus degrading their gaming skill and compromising potentially lucrative Fortnite careers.
The most idiotic of naysayers have also called into question where Fortnite training sessions could be held, yet obvious solutions have already been suggested for eons.
“We should do what they did with the Chinese building and slap another brick over the basketball courts. There won’t be any turtles to relocate but evicting Lebron James is good enough satisfaction for me.” says Year 10 Angela Horne, who has campaigned for the construction of a building over the courts ever since she was struck by rogue basketball seven years ago.
“Red-Door is pretty useless.” Says Raja Books from 9.6. “I think if RCHK should have gaming facilities they should replace all the useless tech support and convert it all into an epic Fortnite training room. We could even sell the Bee-Bots to cover the expenses.”
Sadly, RCHK’s adamant and malicious denial of progressive curriculum is nothing new for the “democratic” institution.
Prior to Fortnite's fate, students school-wide had already campaigned for numerous courses in Among Us psychology, Minecraft Youtubing, and Big Bang Theory literary studies, all of which have been met with dictatorial suppression, disgustingly hypocritical for what is branded as an oasis of progression. It is clear Renaissance is not a safe-haven of thoughts, but a suppressor of them.
When will RCHK understand that denying dreams to those who want better, those who love Fortnite, will gravely affect the gamers of the future?
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