It is a well known fact that basketball players often display signs of violent tendencies by attempting to assassinate opposing team. According to extensive research performed by the kindergarten science club, around 20 percent of basketball players display signs of a need to assassinate opponent players, with signs including yelling, walking, and dribbling the ball. As you can see, these violent tendencies are extremely alarming and should be taken with caution. One day, it came to mind that perhaps basketball players were willing to go to lengths of pumping basketball with cyanide or preferably mustard gas to poison the enemy team. I was extremely worried and decided to consult the Head Researcher and Dean for Human Forensics and photosynthesis integration/implementation to biotechnology and Astrophysics of the kindergarten science club on the probability of this worrying matter occurring.
Below is a transcript of our interview conducted at a local McDonalds. The BTS meal there is really great!
(Transcript begins)
Interviewer Happy Smile Friend: What do you think the probability of a basketball player filling a ball with cyanide gas is?
Head Researcher and Dean for Human Forensics and photosynthesis integration/implementation to biotechnology and Astrophysics of the kindergarten science club: W-where am I? Where are my parents?!
Interviewer Happy Smile Friend: Somewhere no one can hear you scream. Anyway, could you please answer my question, Head Researcher for Human Forensics and photosynthesis integration/implementation to biotechnology and Astrophysics of the kindergarten science club?
Head Researcher and Dean for Human Forensics and photosynthesis integration/implementation to biotechnology and Astrophysics of the kindergarten science club: (shaking) Wh-whats science? I'm only 4!
Interviewer Happy Smile Friend: What?
Head Researcher and Dean for Human Forensics and photosynthesis integration/implementation to biotechnology and Astrophysics of the kindergarten science club: ...I’m just 4 years old
Interviewer Happy Smile Friend: Oh.
Head Researcher and Dean for Human Forensics and photosynthesis integration/implementation to biotechnology and Astrophysics of the kindergarten science club: Yeah…
Interviewer Happy Smile Friend: Uh.. Sorry?
Random Woman: What are you doing with my son?!
Interviewer Happy Smile Friend: IM SO SORRY I THOUGHT HE WAS THE HEAD RESEARCHER AND DEAN FOR HUMAN FORENSICS AND PHOTOSYNTHESIS INTEGRATION/IMPLEMENTATION TO BIOTECHNOLOGY AND ASTROPHYSICS OF THE KINDERGARTEN SCIENCE CLUB! (Begins crying and flees the McDonalds)
(Transcript ends recording)
As you can see from the Head Researcher and Dean for Human Forensics and photosynthesis integration/implementation to biotechnology and Astrophysics of the kindergarten science club’s insight, this is a extremely worrying issue that has to be addressed now. For further research, I decided to interview none other than a player from the RCHK basketball team; someone with first hand knowledge on this matter. Below is the transcript of my interview with Max Wan, a member of the RCHK basketball team.
(Transcript begins in some random dark and dank room)
Interviewer Happysmilefriend: Hi Max! So, how likely do you think it is for a basketball player to pump cyanide gas into their opponent’s basketballs?
Max: Very likely! How else do you think RC does so well in basketball? I myself pump ‘em with cyanide gas - it's really effective and sometimes makes the spectators excited when the gas flows into their noses and mouths.
Interviewer Happysmilefriend: Excited? Could you give me a demonstration?
Max: (Brings out a hose, sticks it into Interviewer Happysmilefriend’s mouth and begins to fill Interviewer Happysmilefriend with cyanide gas)
(Interviewer Happysmilefriend begins to sweat profusely and is seemingly enjoying the hose in the wrong way)
(Door to the room gets knocked down, people and the police swarm the room)
Random woman: That’s him! That guy sucking on the hose pumping cyanide gas is the person who kidnapped my son!
Police officer: Cyanide ga- damn.. you too?
Max: (Sombrely) Yeah.. it always gets to the best of us…
Police officer: (Nodding in deep understanding) Sometimes I wonder if it's really my choice; if it's in my blood or I truly have a terrible hobby.
Max: Holy crap right? Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you crap out of your mouth?
(Police officer and Max begin to engage in a extremely long and deep conversation. At some point they begin crying in each others arms)
(Interviewer Happysmilefriend literally just dies from the cyanide hose)
(Transcript ends.)
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