overpriced and everything about it is just terrible
Ever since Leeks hired Chief Nutritionist Food Man, they have been extremely hard at work researching the vending machines within our school. In their most recent report, the nutritionist described the so-called 'health addiction' vending machines as DEFCON- or Dude… Enormous Fats Concentrated On Nutrition-Products.
What a surprise- right? No one is surprised. Thanks, Chief Nutritionist Food Man, you are fired.
It's kind of impossible to make vending machines' healthy'. And I think that Health Addiction tried its best with no-sugar and less-salt products. But at least don't market it in a way where people believe they are on a paleo diet. Wake up! You are drinking RIBENA not LEUNG CHA.
Now, the company already has a solution to their issues. A separate vending machine brand named 'wicked addiction'. Now hear me out; this is smart. Whoever invented this is a genius and deserves praise from around the world.
Wicked Addiction is the separate line of vending machines which sell 'unhealthy' products. Described by the now un-fired nutritionist as DOG FOOD or Dude… Overly good, Fast, On-time, and Original Decoctions.
The name is fantastic. It makes customers feel guilt when buying the products. Granted, they will still purchase unhealthy snacks because people are fat, starving monsters. However, at least it makes people feel pain.
And isn't that just the goal in life?
Now I wouldn't be the only one who can say the vending machine is overpriced. Like dramatically overpriced. 300ml of ‘organic’ chocolate milk for $15. That is overpriced. The most stupid product they sell is 'Pure Water'. Like what part of the water isn't pure? And one can of it costs TWELVE DOLLARS? You can bloody steal distilled water for free from the science department if you want 'pure water'. I bet only rich people drink that crap.
(confession i bought it once but we don't talk about that)
The Health Addiction or 'ha!' vending machine is a total scam. It's not healthy, overpriced, and they are all over the school!
So how do we improve it?
Firstly, remove pure water. Second, start a 60% off discount on all products. Thirdly, add more products! For example, a whole lunch, or Mr. ex-RC pe teacher whose first name is an organ of a plant freshly canned coffee shipped directly from New Zealand.
But they are now selling Fiji Water.
A plastic bottle of Fiji Water.
Let me guess. Does it cost 362 dollars?