First seen during the elusive week of the EE, a sickness has been travelling around the Y13 cohort, manifesting itself in the form of stomaches, headaches and much more!!! From the plebs to the highest of overachievers, the mysterious ailment has spread across the year like a fire in California, stopping at no man (or woman) (or else) to infect them all!.
From some taking a week off at a time, many students proclaim their sudden pain and anguish at this sickness to the point where they’ve had to skip tests and even deadlines! This was at full swing during the week of the Extended Essay deadline, a nightmare for all 2nd year IB students, and an unreckoned force for the year 1s. Like a wolf in the night, people dropped like flies from every classroom; a week, three days, two days, one day before the deadline, more and more people were found absent from school.
A student at the school, Jane Go, testified to this. “I woke up the day before, my heart a seizing, my lungs a weezin, the walls were melting!!!”
The WHO soon made a quick announcement at this worrying outbreak of sick students, claiming this to be the new EE-itius-2022, symptoms including high levels of stress, high levels of stress, and high levels of stress. To combat this, the WHO made three suggestions to fight this disease.
Number 1, students must take adequate rest while writing what should have been a year-long process in the span of 48 hours, consuming ungodly amounts of caffeine to keep their dishevelled body awake.
Number 2, students must devote at least an hour a day of complaining, stating they got at maximum 2 hours of sleep last night “doing the EE”. Failure of this complaint leads to banishment of the International Baccalaureate course, as for those who dont complain also say the Lord’s name in Vain.
Number 3, students must, at no failure, fake a sickness, stating one of the reasons; stomachache, headache, sore throat, cold, flu, smallpox, and most prestigiously; covid. Use of any of these symptoms, coupled with staying in bed, leads the student’s parents to believe they are genuinely sick, allowing the student to use this extra time to procrastinate once again doing their EE.
Luckily, in a stroke of luck, this rapid illness saw a steep decline in cases once the EE was handed in, with students proclimaing they were finally free from the shackles of humanity.
This serves as a reminder to all year 1 IB students, that getting your EE done during the summer will save you a world of pain, though those who do it genuinely terrify me. The EE-itis-2022 has reered it’s ugly head recently, in new forms such as the Maths-IA-itis-2022, or I-can’t-be-bothered-this-class-is-basically-optional. The EE-itis still lives in within all of us, and serves as a bleak reminder of what is to come.
To finish, we interviewed one final student, Jack Go, who proclaimed; “it was all worth it, remember kids, due tomorrow, do tomorrow.”