The most alarming aspect of society today would be the decline of mathematical knowledge. What was such an abstract and convoluted concept created for?
Is it to restrain the creativity of young minds, binding them to the arithmetical algorithm of meaningless, human defined numbers? Is it a reduction of the incomprehensible facts of reality, an attempt at simplifying the mysteries of the cosmos for human pea-brains to understand?
No. Math is beautiful. Math is magical. Math is what brings me forward and pushes me along the train tracks of life and allows for clarity in the treacherous valley that is my mind.
It gives me control.
Unfortunately, certain individuals seem to believe that I am also contributing to the dwindling passion for mathematics within our generation — my mother, to be precise. How is it that I am failing mathematics when I am willing and able to yield my heart, my body, and even my soul to such an intricate and attractive paradigm? I cannot take my eyes off mathematics, for it stares into me. I did not choose to be entranced by the beauty which is mathematics, it has simply overtaken my basic cognitive functions and is all I can think about. Obsessed. You can call me obsessed if you want, but I am who I am. I love math.
Mother, I am not failing math.
You see, my grade is a 34, which can be rounded up to a 35, which is one away from a 36. As we all know, 36 is the new 37, which some people may argue to be 38. This is almost 39, which is also the new 40, rounding up to a 45. One away from a 46, we all know that 46 is coincidentally also the new 47. Further rounding my grade up, we will eventually reach 50, which is the new 60. My current grade is only 10 away from a 70, which can be rounded up to 80. Today’s 81 is yesterday’s 80, which is the new 82, which is basically 83, which we can say is a 84, which you can round up to an 85! Only one away from an 86, which we can argue to be an 87, which is almost 88. 88 is the new 90, which is almost 91, which we can say is a 92, which you can round up to a 93, which is almost 94, which is the new 95, which is almost 96, which is basically 97, which is almost 98, which is basically 99, which is basically 100.
Do not fret, I have not even come close to failing math. This mathematical proof which I have devised shall be named the “Toe Theorem”, transcending all known grade boundaries known to man.
So dearest mother, I am not failing math. I am, in actuality, getting the best possible grade. Of course, if you are still not satisfied, I will simply push through.
Therefore, no. I did not fail math.
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