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Beyond The Truth
woah!
advice column
inspirational!
welcome to the leeks' advice column! here you will find the best advice given to our amazing, passionate, goblin readers from our beloved teachers, ms lodders and mr lacey!
woah!
Q
how do you stop a turtle being so noisy all the time?
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A
Embrace it. Your turtle clearly wants your attention so talk to the turtle. Maybe that will help him come out of his shell. Perhaps consider getting him a turtle friend. Two turtles are better than one. HARRY: Turtle! Turtles are not cats. Cats are the best pets. Get a cat. Worship the cat. If you must keep the turtle let cat ride turtle.
ms lodders!
woah!
Q
SOS my friend doesnt like dogs cuz he says they beat him up , if i convince him that dogs arent that bad he will give me 10 dollars can you give some advice
woah!
A
Let us ‘paws’ for thought here. Dogs can't beat people up so your friend is barking up the wrong tree (LOL). Dogs just want companionship and the the fact they are attacking your friend on a regular basis would suggest it is him that is the problem - perhaps he already has too many companions and the dogs are jealous?
If that is the case, tell them to ditch their mates, get themselves down a boxing gym, learn how to deliver the perfect cross hand on a canine and be done with it.
Job done.
Hope that helps,
Mr L
(Please drop off 8 of those 10 dollars to the maths office soon)
mr lacey!
woah!
Q
Help! I’m having an existential crisis, what do I do?
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A
Be more cat. Who needs meaning. Just sleep, eat, play poop in a box and make other people serve you. Cat confidence will help you. There is no meaning... only cat. Where is my lunch!?
harry the cat!
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Q
I can't sleep early. I'm always sleeping at 11-12 pm on the weekdays and 1-2 on weekends. I can never fall asleep within 30 minutes.
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A
I’m afraid to let you know your sleeping times are well below those of the average RCHK student who has a mean sleeping time of 2:57am during the week and 5:08am at the weekend. I chose to use the mean here as it takes into account all data collected on yet another RCHK Google Form - this time via our Wellbeing Team - (which will have obviously been filled in honestly I should stress) and had 7 responses in total.
So from this I can scientifically conclude you are doing alright, not to worry, and keep enjoying those late night Mice Craft sessions, or whatever you call it.
Hope that helps.
Mr L
mr lacey!
woah!
Q
quitting sports
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A
As a naturally lean and athletic feline I feel there is no need for sport. Be more cat and make people serve you. Just sleep all day and be cute. You can make sure you get enough exercise simply by stretching as you clean yourself and having short bursts of intense activity where you express yourself freely with the 'zoomies'. I mean I don't do sport and can still get my foot behind my head and jump on the kitchen counters no problem.
harry the cat!
woah!
Q
help I accidently broke my toilet in half with my head
woah!
A
What is done is done I'm afraid but I'm guessing this situation could have been avoided for a number of reasons - so many in fact that I am struggling as to wher to begin. However as a start in trying to minimise the chance of such a repeat 'accident' in the future you could consider the followng two suggestions.
(a) Avoid getting a (toilet) bowl cut when you next go to the hairdressers then going to see how accurately it resembles the WC bowl itself by sticking your head in it.
(b) Avoid getting a haircut that resembles a tolilet brush when you next go to the hairdressers then going to see if it actually does the equivalent job as a genuine toilet brush by sticking your head down the pan and rotating your neck for a good 10 minutes.
Hope that helps,
Mr L
mr lacey!
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